Keeping your little BIG secret: When to announce your pregnancy!
Why does it seem the older we get, from the day you get that positive pregnancy test, to the day you hold your little miracle, and every day thereafter, it seems as if you are forever holding your breath. So much to be excited about, yet so much to fear. So when is the right time to share the news?
I won't lie. With my first pregnancy at 29 I didn't wait to tell people. Yes, I know they say wait until the first trimester is over and when you know everything is ok with the baby, but I had what I call the ignorance and arrogance of fertility youth. The same arrogance that makes you believe time is on your side, and that getting pregnant is simply mind over matter, and since you are otherwise healthy, your biggest issue isn't getting pregnant but rather preventing an unwanted pregnancy.
The Struggle is Real
“And you begin again and sometimes you lose, sometimes you win, but you begin again. Even though your heart is breaking, in time the sun will shine and you will begin again." – Barry Manilow.
This time around it took us about 8 months to conceive. I lost track of the number of tests I had peed on by that time. Whether it be LH level test for ovulation or the home pregnancy test, every negative test was more heartbreaking than the last. I lost count of how many times I got the hubs excited only to tell him it was a false alarm. So when I finally got that positive test, actually 3, I still hesitated to tell because I wanted to be sure I was sure, for I couldn't take yet another disappointed look.
I did end up telling him that very same day. I even conspired with our local Starbucks to deliver the news in true Seattle fashion. On his favorite coffee, a tall, triple shot caramel macchiato with light caramel drizzle. I am still scratching my head trying to figure out how people get those perfect partner announcement videos. Hubs was wearing his quarantine best and totally didn't believe me. SMH! Click HERE to watch me telling him.
Once I told him and the few close girlfriends who had wiped away my tears over the months, it took me a few more weeks to get to the place I felt comfortable sharing the news with others. We didn't make the BIG announcement to the world until I was through the first trimester. I remember calling my midwife and asking for an additional appointment right before the holidays just to make sure everything was okay. This was before we told the boys on Christmas morning. I couldn't handle the idea of getting them excited only to break their tender little hearts.
It's Your Secret To Share
“You are allowed to take your time to grow in your own beautiful way.” —Dhiman
I took my time and shared when I felt the time was right. I allowed myself to both grow figuratively and literally. Every day and every appointment that went by without incident helped restore and grow my faith and confidence in my body's ability. I watched my body change - first, the filling out of my chest and then the ever and fast growing pooch. I refused to feel pressured or restricted. I know my extremely loving and well intentioned mother would have preferred I wait until I had the baby in my arms. She kept reminding me how taboo it was and still is, in our Shona culture, to announce a pregnancy. At the same time I had to silence the voices in my own head that sparked fear and hesitation. I took my time.
There is no right time. There is just your time. Whether you are the pee on the stick and share type or a need the baby in your arms first type. Only you know the right time to let the cat out the bag. Take everyday in its stride and give yourself room to breathe. Listen to and follow your heart and trust yourself.